It's Been A While...

Hello out there....


I know I haven't blogged for a while and it isn't because I don't have anything to blog about. In fact quite the opposite, I have so much to blog about it is a little overwhelming. My first new entry is the most important. You are welcome to read the following paragraphs however there will be details only a mother would care about. I use my blog as a personal journal and I may get lost in my own entry so feel free to skim or skip it entirely. 


I found out I was pregnant on September 11th, 2010. None of my pregnancies have been easy but I love being pregnant. I love knowing that I get to care and provide for my little one all by myself for the first 9 months. I had unique issues with this pregnancy. I only threw up a handful of times compared to the countless times with my others. I seemed to stress more about the health of my growing baby and I had much more severe cravings. I craved texture, something I have never craved before. I wanted creamy all the time. Pudding, mashed potatoes, ravioli, smoothies, yogurt... anything creamy!!! In other ways it was more difficult. Especially near the end my body hurt so bad. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to walk, it hurt to sit, it even hurt to lay down. In December I fell down about 10 stairs going to the basement. In a desperate act to protect my stomach I fell to my shins and skidded down. It was so painful but whatever happened hurt my back and continued to get worse throughout my pregnancy. As my due date approached I was very anxious to be done being pregnant, to say the least. I kept telling people that my goal was to hold my baby in my arms on Mother's Day, May 8th. It was one week before my due date and I wanted to have my baby so bad. I definitely had the contractions to believe it could happen. I woke up Mother's Day morning defeated. I tried to put a smile on since my husband and girls had made me breakfast and were celebrating this special day. I had to choke back the tears all morning and my contractions stopped completely. We went to church and as sat uncomfortable on my bench pouting I felt a thought well up in me. "Today is not about this baby, today is about 3 little girls who deserve to celebrate with their mommy and know how much she loves them." I felt terrible. How could I be so selfish? I cried through most of sacrament meeting and then made a choice to celebrate for the rest of the day. Just 2 days later I woke up on a Tuesday morning, I woke up excited. I got up and had breakfast with the kids, we laughed and teased, I felt great! Suddenly I had a new thought, "today is the day". I knew that something would happen today with or without contractions. I called my friend who had planned on watching my girls when our baby was born and told her that absolutely nothing was happening but to be prepared because I knew something was going to happen. She believed me! The girls and I took baths, we went to the bank and the library, and cleaned the house. By the time Jacob got home I started to have contractions. By 7:00pm they were 2 minutes apart so we loaded up and went to Target to walk, (it was still to cold here to walk outside). At 9:00 I called the hospital since they had consistently stayed 1.5 - 2 minutes apart and were getting stronger. She said to come on in. We dropped the girls off to the Lewis family and were at the hospital by 9:45. Upon arrival she said I was dilated to a 3.5 but that the baby was engaged and admitted me. At midnight my midwife came in to check on me. My contractions were the same but I had not progressed at all so she broke my water. When she came back in at 4am I had only dilated to a 4 and the contractions were wearing me out so she insisted that we needed to start me on pit. I walked the halls over and over and over again. I took baths and tried every single position they suggested. I sat on the ball, squatted on the floor, and kneeled on the bed. At noon my midwife checked me again and said I was almost to a 5. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and the pit had increased my contractions to just over a minute apart and much stronger but I was determined to not have an epidural. Sometime around 2pm I felt the baby drop and had that natural instinct to push. My midwife encouraged me to try if I felt the need but after 20 minutes of pushing with no signs of progress she checked me again to discover that the baby had dropped but I was only dilated to a 7 and he couldn't come out. I broke down and sobbed. The contractions were not even a minute apart any more and I was hurting so bad, I felt broken. Jacob was my strength. He was by my side the entire time and even though I know he was scared he never allowed me to see it. He just kept telling me everything was okay and that I was doing great. My midwife suggested that she offer some help so for the next several contractions she went in with her hand and physically stretched my cervix while I was contracting. By far the most physical pain I have ever felt in my life! She would give me a break and then do it again for the next several contractions. We did this until about 4:30 pm and I felt like there was no way it was ever going to end. After pushing in a few more positions my midwife suggested that I go sit on the toilet. She said, "I know it sounds crazy but I want you to go push where you learned how to in the first place". At this point I would have done a handstand while singing Mary Had a Little Lamb if someone would have told me it would get the baby out so in the bathroom I went. I sat down and on the next contraction I pushed with everything I had...and out came his head. I started yelling to my midwife, my husband, and the three nurses surrounding me on the toilet, "His head is out, his head is out". They then lifted me up and propped my tailbone on the edge of the toilet seat and on the next push he was out. Born on May 11th, 2011 at 4:56pm. I call him my "little pooper" since he was such a pain to get out and was born on the toilet. The girls think it is really funny that he was born on the toilet. Unfortunately though I was not allowed to relax yet. I sat gripping the toilet seat until I had finished delivering the placenta and they were sure I was not hem-ridging. After he was born I sat holding him and stared into his little face. I knew he was mine and I knew he was worth every single contraction. My friend Karla showed up shortly later with the girls so they could see their little brother. They ooed and awwed over him and loved him instantly. I felt very loopy having not slept and for other obvious reasons so the girls did not stay long. Jacob, Zak and I were escorted to our recovery room. After we settled in and Zak fell asleep Jacob and I both went to sleep too. However, after 2 hours of rest my eyes popped wide open and I wanted to hold my baby. I held him for the rest of the night wether he was sleeping or not. There is a very special spirit to this little boy and I can't hold him enough. Even now the girls only get him for a few minutes every day because if I have nothing else really important to do I want to hold him. We left the hospital after 24 hours but my recovery was far from over. Zak and I laid on the couch for almost 2 weeks. It hurt me to do anything. My delivery beat me up a little and it took me a little over a month to recovery completely. He will turn 3 months old tomorrow and I can't believe how the time has flown by. I know everybody says that and the phrase is over used but it is the only way to explain it.  He is such a good baby! Within the last few weeks he now sleeps 6-8 hours during the night. He is never fussy unless he is hungry or I have eaten something to upset his stomach. He used to have an upset stomach often but I have become very good at choosing foods that agree with him so it has not been an issue recently. He likes to be held but he likes his space too. There are times he won't make eye contact with anyone and if you try he continues to turn his head and look the other way.  He smiled at us when he was 3 days old and now smiles on cue almost every time. He is a solid little man, very stocky but not fat like some of our other babies. He has not felt fragile since he was 2 weeks old. His favorite place to be is outside. He can be fussing but as soon as he feels himself being strapped in the baby bjorn he calms down knowing he is on his way outside. We go for walks almost every evening and he gets so excited kicking his legs and flailing his arms around. He loves to talk. He will coo back and forth with anyone who wants to have a conversation. His sisters love these opportunities! You can watch him learning, he is constantly watching his surroundings and taking it in. Almost as if as soon as his legs and arms cooperate he is going to get up and conquer the world. I already believe he can. He is very handsome with dimples, blue eyes, and blonde hair. He looks like a Chandler boy with dimples and I love that!!! He is our little gift and we can't wait to share him with the rest of the world!