Right up front I want to make sure all of you know that I love my life, I love my family, and I would not change a thing. I am very grateful for my blessings.
Okay, now having said that I need to vent. I have a hard time with monotony. There are mornings I wake up and could care less if I spend all day in my pajamas. Sometimes I don't even brush my teeth until my husband gets home so that he is willing to kiss me. I could probably bathe once a week for church and nobody but my husband would care, (I do bathe more than that by the way). I feel like all I do is wash the same clothes, wash the same dishes, cook the same meals (which nobody is very thrilled about), vacuum the same floors, pick up the same toys, make the same beds (who am I kidding, I don't make beds), and scrub the same toilets (not as often as I should) over and over and over and over again! Why!?! Who cares? In the eternal perspective what does it really matter? I hear these great talks where women encourage us to set appropriate priorities. They tell me to not worry about the dishes and spend that extra time with my kids or reading my scriptures but if I don't worry about the dishes no one will. If nobody does the dishes then there will be twice as many when I finally get around to getting it done.
(sigh)
I have a weight problem. It is not that I am obese or ultra skinny, it is a different type of weight problem. I have a very difficult time maintaining. I am either losing or gaining. For the first 4 years of marriage I slowly gained. Then after Naomi I lost 30lbs and felt better than I ever had before. It was short lived because a few months later I was expecting Aliya and it all went down the crapper!!!! So then Aliya is born and I worked really hard to loose the extra 20lbs. Then last summer I went on vacation, then the holidays, then my Mom came so I was kind of on vacation again, and to sum it all up I have gained quite a few of those friendly pounds back. ARGH! The biggest problem is I can't seem to get motivated to fix the problem this time. I feel a little defeated, not completely but a little. So with the extra "baggage", the 4 inch roots (because I can't afford to get my hair done), the day after day in my pj's I am just not felling very sexy these days.
(cry)
I know being a Mom is the greatest job in the world, and I agree! But there are days when I look at this messy house, my reflection in the mirror, and the list of "priorities" I should be getting done and I feel like a failure. I know I am not the only one that feels this way but there are days I feel so alone, even with the kids screaming in the background! Years ago I swore I would never become the frumpy housewife grocery shopping in her sweat pants and no make-up. Here I am! I wanted to be the cool, cute, Mom that is all put together and I don't know where to find her, even if I did I don't think I have the energy.
(grumble)
Thanks for letting me vent. I do feel a little better. I guess now it is time for me to go get dressed since it is 3pm, I should probably brush my teeth too because Jacob will be returning from work in a couple hours, who knows maybe I will go crazy and brush my hair!
My Quest For the Village
10 years ago
6 comments:
well...i've got no advice. just a huge AMEN to that sista! (all of it. every last detail.)
While I read this I was like, wow my feelings exactly, every last detail.....I love you Geri. You are a great mother and an Amazing person! Hang in there!
Uh, what are you talking about?! You, the lady that can still turn heads at WalMart, complaining about being a frump?! No way!
Look, we all sit around in our pj's as long as we possibly can because, well, our efforts need to go elsewhere, like educating, feeding and clothing our children. And even though they (the children) are hardly ever openly grateful, aren't you SO GLAD that you have the option of staying home with them and staying in your pj's as long as possible?
That make-up and an cool hair-do aren't requirements for being a good mother and wife? I mean, it's not like you're going to get fired or anything. On the other hand, if it really affects you, you could always get up early, work out, and get all prettied up for the day right at the beginning. But for me, no amount of mascara or crunches is worth getting up before the kids!
Maybe you should send J away for awhile, like 3 months or something. SO MUCH less pressure to impress. Seriously. It's almost 6 PM, and I just had a shower an hour ago. As far as being lonely, just start singing "You're not Alooooonnnne, say in one more time...." That should clear things right up.
Man, I'm so good at this. I should start charging.
I totally feel like this so often. I always thought I would be such a great, fun mom. Suddenly I feel like I have morphed into just a mom. All I am is just a housewife. I sing that song almost on a daily basis. Cute family, though.
Hi G! I have been a blog stalker and love reading your blog!!! (It's Tammy by the way!!!) I have MANY days like you are having and all I can think to say is that focusing on the pitfalls of being a SAHM will only make you more depressed. I look at friends that HAVE to work and I am SO grateful to be able to stay home and be in my PJ's. You have a beautiful family!! They will remember the 'OTHER' things that you do....the fun activities that you do, not the beds being made and toilets being scrubbed!!
Have a great day today!!
~Tammy
AMEN! Perhaps the feelings of every stay at home mom! I too hate the daily shower routine as well, however, I do make myself do it because if I don't... I feel just like you described the rest of the day and the days following! My advise- shower even when you don't feel like it! Make yourself a priority! Cheeto is so good to support this! As far as the weight thing... I too have a few to lose from baby. You want to start sharing what we eat daily so we have to be held accountable. Maybe we should make a goal date and do something fun- just the two of us if we complete our goal. I don't know- just trying to help a fellow sister! Loves ya- Cheer up!
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